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I don't like our anthem.
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11:23AM, Thursday, 11 Jun, 2009
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I was reading a fulsome, passionately written review of aKing live by Liam Lynch (SA's finest music photographer), when I came across this bit:
"(A thought on anthems: if you are unimpressed by one, whatever the "country" it belongs to, it is probably because you don't "live" there... and if you are unimpressed by the one of the place you DO live in... maybe you should emigrate.)"
It seems a little rough, especially the simple reduction of "if you don't like your anthem, emigrate." Would that statement have made sense in 1980, when Die Stem was the anthem? Does it make sense in the Sudan now?
Given that we're all supposed to down tools today and sing the SA anthem, it's a relevant discussion. I won't be singing the anthem. I hate nationalism, and an anthem is an example of nationalism that you can't subvert very easily (although Bongo Maffin did a good job with ours a few years ago).
I don't like our anthem because it's a Christian hymn, and I'm not a Christian. I don't like it because it's a tool of politicians. Hell, I don't even like the idea of a country. When I say, I love South Africa - and I say it often - I probably mean, I love my country's people, and the ever-changing way they struggle for identity. Anthems are way too militaristic for me too, all this holding hands on hearts nonsense.
I don't like our anthem because there are people who want to make kids sing it before school starts, who use it as a marker of inclusion (you don't sing it, you're not one of us), and because it's nationalist bullshit that tries to determine for us what out country means.
So sorry, Liam, but I'm not impressed with our little multilingual church song. But I am impressed with your aKing review.
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Look Ma! I'm crazy!
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7:40AM, Thursday, 11 Jun, 2009
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The deranged idiot who killed a security guard at the Holocaust Museum in New York on Wednesday has a website that displays all the classic signs of the insane conspiracy theorist.
First, there are the 'degrees' from universities without names.
"James W. von Brunn holds a BachSci Journalism degree from a mid-Western university where he was president of SAE and played varsity football."
Then, there's the membership of strange, obscure quasi-religious secret societies.
"He is a member of Mensa, the high-IQ society."
(Just kidding, I know Mensa isn't the Illuminati).
Then there's the mangling of language and law to make it appear that a common criminal is actually a superhero. What he actually did here was try and take hostages:
"In 1981 Von Brunn attempted to place the treasonous Federal Reserve Board of Governors under legal, non-violent, citizens arrest."
And then there's the anti-Semitic, anti-black ranting. This poor sod can't make up his mind what evil people ARE actually in charge, so he's invented the Jew/Negro, which I assume means he was tried in Ethiopia:
"He was tried in a Washington, D.C. Superior Court; convicted by a Negro jury, Jew/Negro attorneys, and sentenced to prison for eleven years by a Jew judge."
So I want you all to go and check your blogs. If you have any reference to the Illuminati, anal-probes, Jew/Negro/Aliens, or FIFA taking the World Cup away from South Africa and sending it to the Jew/Negro/Kangaroo state of Australia, you're one of them. The crazies.
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I'm emigrating.
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8:59AM, Wednesday, 10 Jun, 2009
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Yes, the rumours are true. I'm emigrating. I can't take the crime anymore, the BEE, and the fact that our rugby standards are increasingly under threat. I can't take the fact that I'm being made to feel like a foreigner in my own country. So I've decided to move to Johannesburg.
There, I will start a new life, free and unfettered by the past, in a new land.
Here in Cape Town, crime is lurking behind every tree and bikini. In Joburg, there are barbed wire fences and nice security companies who respond in less than an hour to your alarms.
Here in Cape Town, BEE (or Blonde Economic Empowerment) is a curse. Try getting a job if you aren't a Blonde in a Speedo, I challenge you.
Here in Cape Town, we have the Stormers, a team apparently made up of quota players (60% have to be crap, apparently). In Joburg, they're chosen on merit. (Okay, in Pretoria, I mean. But for a Capetonian, those are the same city).
Here in Cape Town, there are only Europeans. In Joburg, there are still a few South Africans left.
So I'm becoming an expat, a stranger in a strange land.
Oh, I'll come back and visit, bringing my foreign currency and my newly found arrogance, and my tales of freedom and the land of opportunity. I even plan on adopting a Joburg accent, ekse.
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Why I love 24.
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12:31PM, Tuesday, 09 Jun, 2009
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So I've decided it's time to move on, after almost 10 years with 24.com. A lot of people have asked what kept me in the same company for that long. Well, here's the email the head of publishing sent out to announce my departure (which is end-July).
And the mail kind of explains what I love about the online side of Media24 - the laughs. Who wouldn't want to work for a company with this sense of humour.
"It is with a significant amount of sadness that we have to say goodbye to Chris Roper. Chris, who has been with the various iterations of the business for more than a decade, has decided to jump the fence and carry on the work of one our current colleagues at the digital arm of a well known weekly tree-killing operation. While I view this as a loss for the business in general and publishing in particular, it is an opportunity for him to grow his exposure outside of the borg embrace of 24.com and given his tweets he is quite excited about the move. I, for one, hope he returns home after his adventures."
Ha ha! See, there's always the gibe at print, and the self-reflective, self-deprecating humour when we describe ourselves. Got to love it.
But to cut it short - I'm off to the Mail & Guardian on August 1. So if anyone knows of an apartment close to Rosebank to rent, let me know.
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Disabled humour.
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11:06AM, Monday, 01 Jun, 2009
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You can find some amazingly beautiful touches in Cape Town architecture. So for example, I walked past a govt. building close to Caledon Square Police Station, and the door was adorned with these fascinating carvings in wood of traditional sports. Pugilism, etc. And what looks like Picking up Chicks, but is probably croquet or something. So far, so good. And here's a pic of that:
But then I noticed that this door had a ramp in front of it, and it was the entrance for Disabled People only. Hmm. That's seems a little insensitive, putting a panorama of healthy sporting activity above the disabled entrance. What's the message here? Ha ha, YOU can't play soccer? Odd. Guess the reasons are lost in mists of history.
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Cheers, suckers!
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9:22AM, Tuesday, 26 May, 2009
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Ha ha! I've won the UK Lootry! I'm out of here! No more boring blogging! Wait a minute.... the UK Lootry? There's something about that which doesn't ring true.....
Funny, the mail LOOKS genuine... I can't put my finger on it.... Still, who cares! I've won the Lootry!
From: ukn lootry <uknlootry35@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, 25 May 2009 13:12:05 -0700
Subject: Letter Of Notice
Your winning Batch Reference Number is: WD18/0065/04RN
You have won ?1,000,000 in the second category draw of the United Kingdom National Lottery.Congratulations!
Please contact our Award/Claims Manager: Williams Gordon on the contact details given below for confirmation and processing of prize Claim.Your prize claim must be processed before 12:00 midnight Greenwich Mean Time(GMT) on 31st may 2009.
Award/Claims Manager: Williams Gordon
Tel: 00447092980262
Fax:00448704797668
e-mail: uknl2009@live.co.za
Kindly read the attached Letter of Notice for further information/details.
Yours truly,
McDEAN, Charles Louis J.P(Director)
International Promotions Unit,
UK NATIONAL LOTTERY,
Units 2A & 2B, Olympic Way,
Sefton Business Park, Aintree Liverpool,
L30 1RD
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African classics
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5:00PM, Monday, 25 May, 2009
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I think I can, without fear of (much) contradiction, claim to have the finest music writer in South Africa working for Channel24 as our Music Editor. And I'm talking all-rounder here. There isn't a single genre of music he isn't versed in, from math rock to maskanda, from free jazz to funk. And anything else you can think of.
So here's the intro to his roundup of great African classics, and a link for you to go and take in the full top 20. Read and learn - it's your continent, and no, Celine Dion isn't from Egypt. And Kaizer (sic) Chiefs ain't from Jozi.
Continental Classics
"All music is folk music - I ain't never heard no horse sing" said trumpeter Louis 'Satchmo' Armstrong famously.
While Satchmo had a point, when it comes to exploring African music that folk tag can become a bit messy. Anyone looking for pointers by perusing the winners of the world music category at the Grammy Awards each year would be forgiven for thinking that choral sounds are all that come out of the African continent. So what the hey, this Africa Day we decided to sidestep the world music stereotypes and celebrate some of those Afropolitan classics that challenged the clichés, crossed borders, and sometimes just made for a damn good party. There's something for everyone here - from the righteous Afrobeaten political fire of Fela Kuti and the soul disco funk of Manu Dibango to the Algerian dance pop of Rai's King Khaled, some ecstatic Ethiopian free jazz, retro-futuristic Congolese electronica and all sorts of 21st century fusions.
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'Assailant in detail, luckster advocates'
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10:39AM, Friday, 15 May, 2009
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I'm starting to question the sanity of readers. I get a mail in response to my column about Zille and the ANCYL-biters, from one Mzwa
_______________________________________________________________
From: <mzwa@
Date: Thu, 14 May 2009 10:10:57 +0200
Lame, Racialist even though you tried to hide it in your first paragraph. we can see through your
kind!!!!!
(I respond in my usual manner - I'm always keen to learn from critics:)
From:Chris Roper
Sent:Thursday, May 14, 2009 13:56
You’ll need to substantiate that in some way, I think?
Chris
(Mzwa rises to the challenge, and mails back the following explication:)
From: First name Last name <mzwa@>
Date: Fri, 15 May 2009 10:31:02 +020
Assailant in detail - we want to understand why? Deep examination of unapprised, unripe, notorious luckster advocates - says something about the analyst - dont you think? Must have read your colleague's interpretation - interested to know your judgement...("Zille losing the Plot...Jannie Momberg")
____________________________________________________________________
I'm sorry, did I miss the news story about how zombie Samuel Becketts are taking over the world? Or the bit where Cartman moved to South Africa? Or the bit where we relaxed our Village Idiot Immigration Policy?
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Now I'm confused.
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8:52AM, Friday, 15 May, 2009
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New follower on Twitter this morning, called Kim, who is only following four people: Gareth Cliff, John McCain, Larry King and Chris Roper. I'm not sure whether this is an adequate market survey, but it's worrying. How did I get into that unholy group? Surely I have very little in common with them? Dammit all to hell, I used to be cool.... I did.... Sob.
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Inarticulate articulacy.
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8:43AM, Friday, 15 May, 2009
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The ANCYL-biters' reaction to the ANC chiding them for their Zille response. Apparently, they're the ones being threatened and intimidated. Ha ha!
And the poor dears are bravely standing up to disappointments, which is nice.
Also, good news for those of us who make a living out of making fun of them, is that these crushing disappointments, they say, 'won't stop us articulating what we decide to articulate." No, I think you'll find it's inarticulacy that'll stop you articulating what you decide to articulate.
WE STANDS BY OUR VIEWS ON HELEN ZILLE AMIDST DISAPPOINTMENTS, INTIMIDATIONS AND THREATS
The African National Congress Youth League stands by its views on Helen Zille. The threats and intimidations of racist Helen Zille and DA supporters will not stop us from articulating what we decide to articulate. We understand the concerns and disappointment of the ANC leadership and will soon meet with them to discuss and defend our position on all the statements and remarks we made about Helen Zille.
Helen is a racist girl who does not respect women, African people, cultures and traditions. Her 100% male and predominantly white cabinet is never justifiable. We further believe that her behaviour and sentiments are symptomatic of someone who was dropped on her head when she was a child.
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